If you were Gay
by Painted Angel Wings
Summary: After watching the play, 'Avenue Q' on Miaka's DVD player, Nuriko goes to Hotohori and questions his sexuality. However, his questions will not only cause chaos, but also a pain spiltting headache for our favorite emperor. [song fic!] HotohorixNuriko


If you were gay

_By: Painted Angel Wings_

_Section: Fushigi Yuugi_

_Type: One-shot_

_Couple: Ehhh… Kinda Hotohori x Nuriko… ish_

_Rating: T _

**_A:N: _Oh Lord. **

**My first slightly shonen ai fic. –is very surprised- I never thought I would… xD Geez. **

**Well, here its goes: my first attempt at some kind of shonen ai. **

**Anyway, enjoy! This also my first Fushgi Yuugi fic! And pure comedy fic! xD**

**Song playing: "Remember the Name" by: Fort Minor**

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"Nurikoooooooo!!!!" Miaka poked her red head outside the majestic Chinese door as her beautiful and bubbly friend walked by, catching his attention quickly.**

"Ehh? What is it, Miaka-chan?" Nuriko bounced over to Miaka, who was equally as bubbly and cheerful.

Miaka hopped up and down slightly, a bright grin never leaving her face.

"I just found my portable DVD player!! ANNNNDD it has my favorite movie inside it! Well actually, it's a play really…."

Nuriko's eyebrows scrunched together in pure confusion, big violet eyes blank and blinking, tuning out Miaka as he tried to comprehend the meaning of these **_CONFUSING_** words.

Movie? DVD player?

He knew what a play was of course, but those OTHERS?

Never.

Then, she spoke of something called "Avenue Q", which lead the poor cross dresser into even more confusion! Big, distracting swirls started to form in Nuriko's eyes, causing Miaka to stop her excessive chatter.

"Nuriko-kun? Is something the matter?" She blinked her green eyes in curiosity, completely oblivious to Nuriko's confusion.

Nuriko pulled his long, flowing pink sleeves close to his face, lips forming a long pout.

"Miaka-chaaaaaan, I have no idea what you're talking about!!!" Pools of anime tears started to flow spontaneously. "What in the world are you SAYINGGGG?!"

So, for the next five minutes, Miaka was stuck explaining to poor Nuriko the 21st century technology, while Nuriko nodded in excitement, bright violet eyes shining even brighter at every word.

"ANNDDD, how do the people get inside this amazing box called, 'Television'?"

Miaka held up her small index finger, mouth open ready to explain. However, her answer did not match her expression of supposed knowledge.

"I……. HAVE NO IDEA!!!!"

She was too goofed up to see Nuriko faint anime style onto the elegant (not to mention expensive) palace floor.

Nuriko crawled onto the poofy bed, bouncing excitedly as Miaka popped the DVD into the player.

"I cannot wait to see this 'movie'!" he exclaimed in delight.

Miaka sighed in sadness as she pressed play.

"Yes… it will be fun," she replied, glumness not leaving her voice. "Too bad there aren't any microwaves… we could have made LOTS of popcorn!!! AND KETTLE CORN TOO!!" Her eyes sparkled at the thought of a scrumptious bowl of popcorn as Nuriko sweatdropped.

_I swear, Miaka-chan is gonna get fat…_ But then, a sly smirk came onto his features. _But then I shall be thinner and prettier than her, and Hotohori-sama will go to ME in anguish at her obesity! _(He was completely unaware that his fists were clenched in determination in front of him.)

"Alrighty!" Miaka's chipper voice brought the celestial warrior from his blissful visions of Hotohori. "Let's get it started!!"

The insane musical left them gasping for breath between fits of laughter. The songs were absolutely ridiculous, vulgar… and HYSTERICAL. However, one scene and song stood out to him…. IF YOU WERE GAY.

Nuriko watched in awe at the two apparent roommates as they shouted/sang/argued back and forth about their sexual preferences. He listened to the words carefully….

And then… it hit him. Could it be possible……..?

"OF COURSE!!" Nuriko spontaneously bolted upright, causing Miaka to fall off from the bed in total shock. "It should SO win him over!!"

With the chaos of 'Avenue Q' still roaring from the DVD player, Nuriko bolted from the room, fluffy little hearts following his trail.

Miaka raised one eyebrow and scratched her head, totally and utterly miffed.

"What's gotten into him?" she mumbled as she got herself up. "Is it a gay thing or something…."

For a moment, she stood there, frozen on the spot.

"Ah well! It doesn't matter!!" She too, followed suit and ran from the room. "I'm STARVING!!! TAMAHOMMMEEE! MAKE ME SOME RAMEN!"

"Eh?" Tamahome poked his head into the doorway, looking at the schoolgirl like she went insane. "What in Suzaku's name is** RAMEN**?!"

Hotohori sighed in frustration as he signed yet **_ANOTHER_** report for Konan.

"It NEVER ends…" He muttered, glaring at the paper before him, restraining himself from throwing it into the fire. "Why can't I have a day off like NORMAL PEOPLE?"

As if on cue, Nuriko's high pitched call rang from deep down the hallway.

"HOTOHORIII-SAAAAMAAA!" The sound of Nuriko's voice caused Hotohori to twitch in annoyance. He really wasn't in the mood for him today.

"Hello, Nuriko…" Hotohori attempted to smile pleasantly as Nuriko bounced into the office, long flowing sleeves flying everywhere across his feminine features.

"Sire…" Nuriko's happy smile refused to fade as he approached Hotohori's oak desk. "What do think of gay people?"

"Eh?!" This question threw the emperor completely off guard, causing him to choke on his own spit from complete shock. "G-Gay?" His face flushed at Nuriko's question. "You mean… queer?"

Nuriko nodded excitedly, violet eyes sparkling in pure ecstasy.

"Yes, yes!" He slammed one hand on to the rich oak, causing reports, treaties, and other miscellaneous papers to fly in spontaneous directions, much to Hotohori's dismay. "Tell me now, Hotohori-sama!!"

The Emperor's face instantly flushed as he used his index and middle fingers to rub his temple, feeling an extreme headache coming.

"Listen, Nuriko… I really don't have time for this."

Nuriko's smile faded slightly, and his expression turned into confusion.

"Eh?" He tilted his head slightly, strands of violet hair to fall into matching colored eyes. "Whatever could you mean by that?"

Hotohori finally made eye contact with the transvestite, trying his best to keep a straight face, or for his blush to turn the ULTIMATE red.

"Well for one, beautiful people, like myself( several shojo sparkles appeared as he said this) , do not care about such matters," he replied, clearing his throat slightly, "And second, I'm **_TRYING_** to finish these troublesome documents."

Nuriko felt slightly hurt by his comments, but it grew worse when Hotohori gave a shooing gesture with his hands towards the warrior, an action similar you would do to a stubborn child, who refused to leave.

"Now, leave me be please! I must finish my task!"

Nuriko's lipstick lips scrunched into an awful pout as he turned his nose into the air.

But as his back was turned, a coy, sly smile, slyer than a kitsune, formed over his feminine features, for a light bulb just lit up in his head.

_Hee hee.. You clever, girl, you. You better not back out on your WONDERFUL plan!_

"Well…alright your majesty…. But just so you know…." Nuriko had trouble controlling his chuckling, which threw Hotohori slightly off guard. But it was nothing compared what the strong celestial warrior had up his sleeve next.

Out of nowhere, Nuriko whirled around, grin brighter than the sun on China's hottest summer day, finger pointed at the doorway.

"Hit it, Miaka-chan!!!"

A high-pitched giggle echoed throughout the elegant office, and a faint click was heard, and nothing more.

It was silent for a moment, but the sweatdrops have already begun to form on Hotohori.

Odd music started to flow, and Nuriko snapped his manicured fingers to the simple three cord melody, along with tapping his toes.

Just as Hotohori thought things couldn't possibly get any odder, Nuriko, once again, proved him wrong.

How?

NURIKO BURST INTO A SONG.

And an odd dance along with it.

_If you were gay, that would be okay._

_I mean cuz hey, I like you anyway!_

_Because you see, if it were me, _

_I would feel free to say that I was gay!_

_But I'm not gay!_

At the last line, Nuriko giggled, and winked seductively. Not only that, but he also blew a wet, juicy, kiss to an absolutely horrified Hotohori.

Forget horrified, he was **DISGUSTED**. A little bit shocked as well, buuut mostly disgusted.

Hotohori just stared at the giggling Nuriko for a while, the music still playing, seeming to go on forever.

"Nuriko… I still have NO IDEA what this is about," Hotohori sighed once again at Nuriko's antics. "Now, I will ask you again to please leave! I'm trying to read this!!"

He waved a thick mass of cream colored paper that was kept together by a red satin ribbon; probably a long request from a villager or something he needed to sign.

"Alrighty then, sire….whatever you say!"

With a sigh of relief, Hotohori continued to work, quill busily scratching the thin paper, too busy to even realize that Nuriko stayed right where he was, smug and silly grin never leaving his face.

Even though it did take a while, the emperor eventually noticed his comrade's presence, which caused his head to throb painfully. Apparently, that headache really wanted to come.

"What?!" Hotohori was yelling, but it was muffled by the sound of both hands covering his face.

As if on cue, Nuriko started his odd routine yet again, his dance steps and voice echoing throughout the entire office; Hotohori wondered if any of the servants could hear any of the ruckus he was causing.

_If you were queer, I'de still be here._

_Year after year, because your dear to me._

_I know that you would accept me too, if I told you, _

'_HEY GUESS WHAT, I'M GAY!'_

_But I'm not gay. _

At this point, Hotohori was completely frozen, his fine hair bristled in all directions as Nuriko continued his performance. He was obviously enjoying it, dancing like a madman, laughing like a lunatic.

Before the emperor could order Nuriko's leave of absence, Nuriko bounced over and gave a quick, but fast slap on the ass. And he had NO time to recover; Nuriko still wasn't done with his song.

_I'm happy just being with you! _

_So what should it matter to me… WHAT YOU DO IN BED WITH GUYS?!_

"That's absurd, Nuriko!!" Hotohori roared, face the color of tomato soup, while Nuriko doubled over in laughter and high pitched giggles. "Not to mention WRONG!"

"Oh, come off it, your majesty!" Nuriko said with coyness, waving his right hand in a carefree manner, causing those long flowing sleeves to fly everywhere, bopping him on the nose a couple times. "It's not wrong! It's perfectly natural to feel that way!"

A smirk crossed his features as Nuriko clung to Hotohori's arm, though the emperor was stiff as board, and flushing to a richer color by the second.

"If you think dirty thoughts about men, Hotohori-sama, you aren't alone!"

"WHAT?!!" Hotohori did a double take, completely caught off guard by this comment. "Nuriko! I still don't know what this is about! You know perfectly well I am not… 'gay'," he protested, trying desperately to free himself from Nuriko's iron grip.

His efforts were futile however; Nuriko just clung harder and rested his head on his broad shoulder.

"Maybe not, sire…" For a moment, his voice had a hint of sadness, maybe it was defeat. "But…"

Hotohori instantly felt guilty, but that feeling went away when Nuriko suddenly started giggle again.

With that, he burst into the bizarre song and dance once again.

_If you were gay, I'd shout, 'HORRAY'! _

_And here I'd stay, but I wouldn't get in your way._

_You can count on me, to be always be_

_Beside very day, to tell its okay, you were just born that way._

_And, as they say, It's in your DNA, YOUR GAY!_

With that, our gentle emperor finally snapped, face flushed to the ultimate red.

"I AM NOT GAYYYYY!!!!" Hotohori roared, though it was filled with panic, as if he was secretly questioning himself about his straightness.

"Ahh, your majesty! I mean, if you _were_ gay!!"

And with that, Nuriko glomped the poor guy and gave him a huge, wet, not to mention _naughty_ kiss on the lips.

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**A:N: Wahoo!! It took me three long months to finish this, but here it is.  I'm so glad I did it! So fun to write! Lol.! I loves those two together! **

**Oh, if you are wondering what Avenue Q is, it's a hilarious Broadway musical that has puppets yes PUPPETS but its incredibly vulgar humor! OMGEEE, it's the best musical ever. I recommend it!**

**Anyway, please review! Anonymous reviews are accepted.**


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